I took Freya to the clinic yesterday. She’s now weighing in at a hefty 4.96kg. I had a really bad night with her the night before. She was up every 2 hours. Then she had a proper melt down where she screamed the house down and it took me hours to get her settled again. By the time I got to Jenni at the clinic and started talking to her about how we’re both doing, I just burst out crying. I think it’s a mixture of sleep depravation finally catching up with me 3 months down the line, exhaustion, dreams of Max, remembering Max, delayed grieving, wondering if I can handle this whole motherhood thing – so many things going through my head now and when I’m exhausted, I get emotional. So you can just imagine the state I was in yesterday.
I felt better after talking to Jenni, then when Sheldon came home, I told him how I’d been feeling. I then proceeded to cry on his chest for 15 minutes! It was a good release and I’m glad I’ve got it all out now. I’m sure we’ll both get hit with waves of grief and sadness for a long time to come.
Then I look at this little face staring and smiling at me and she makes everything right again. Little cherub. Look at those cheeks and double chin – my best.