Baby, Love

Tough times

I took Freya to the clinic yesterday. She’s now weighing in at a hefty 4.96kg. I had a really bad night with her the night before. She was up every 2 hours. Then she had a proper melt down where she screamed the house down and it took me hours to get her settled again. By the time I got to Jenni at the clinic and started talking to her about how we’re both doing, I just burst out crying. I think it’s a mixture of sleep depravation finally catching up with me 3 months down the line, exhaustion, dreams of Max, remembering Max, delayed grieving, wondering if I can handle this whole motherhood thing – so many things going through my head now and when I’m exhausted, I get emotional. So you can just imagine the state I was in yesterday.

I felt better after talking to Jenni, then when Sheldon came home, I told him how I’d been feeling. I then proceeded to cry on his chest for 15 minutes! It was a good release and I’m glad I’ve got it all out now. I’m sure we’ll both get hit with waves of grief and sadness for a long time to come.

Then I look at this little face staring and smiling at me and she makes everything right again. Little cherub. Look at those cheeks and double chin – my best.

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4 thoughts on “Tough times

  1. lyonsloudroar says:

    Shame my child, phone your Mommy when you feel like that – and YES, you can, and are handling motherhood SO well. We all had moments like that. xx

  2. Mel Robertson says:

    woman! you’re amazing. just amazing. you’re going through so much right now and you’re doing an incredible job.
    and yes, lack of sleep = TOUGH!
    xxx

  3. Anonymous says:

    Precious little girl! There’s nothing better than their smiles! my mom calls it baby therapy. She just about offers my baby boy Ari, to anyone feeling down, here, have a dose of this cuteness!=)

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